i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
