also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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