His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
