Sry I called you an 8
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
