she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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