WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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