Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
