is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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