it wasn't lemon gatorade
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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