at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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