I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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