you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
