where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
