and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
