:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
