I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
