We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
