grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
