maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
