dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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