Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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