He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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