This is not my ceiling
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
ttyl tear gas
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Never underestimate the power of titties
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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