I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
