I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
