Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
