Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
