WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
