I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
