Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
