Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
