We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
