I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I queefed so loud it echoed.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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