I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
