Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
