I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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