awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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