i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
