Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He? As in you personified your dick?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I DEMAND FORESKIN
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
