We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
