HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
