Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
