dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
