I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
