he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
