i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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