I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
