I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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