The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Come share oat with me in your robe
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
