So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
