dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
