it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
BRING THE BAGELS
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
