If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
