Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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