remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
as a side note pls kill me
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
