Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
