i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
